The Mozzarella Tree

It appeared suddenly. It looked like a tree as many others. About ten meters tall, short and branched stem, wrinkled bark and large, green leaves. It vaguely looked like a fig tree, a giant fig. But it wasn’t. If you tried to break a twig, you wouldn’t get milky white sap, but instead genuine buffalo milk. And its fruits were not fruits, but instead real mozzarellas.

The Mozzarella Tree

It appeared suddenly. It looked like a tree as many others. About ten meters tall, short and branched stem, wrinkled bark and large, green leaves. It vaguely looked like a fig tree, a giant fig. But it wasn’t. If you tried to break a twig, you wouldn’t get milky white sap, but instead genuine buffalo milk. And its fruits were not fruits, but instead real mozzarellas.

The Vegetable that didn’t speak English

Naples, around noon, at the Pignasecca market. From a fruit and vegetable stand, a bunch of vegetables (yes you’ve read correctly, a bunch of vegetables), with its choir of powerful little voices, amidst the astonished faces of the onlookers, is having a very lively discussion with a tourist, probably of Anglo-Saxon origin. “It is useless dear sir, that you persist in asking us what the hell we are. It is not that we come to your home and ask you the same question. Look, everyone here knows us and we certainly don’t need any introduction. Okay, we don’t speak English, but we weren’t born knowing everything. You tell us instead:. Do you speak Neapolitan? And so, what should we do about that? Listen sir, as to make you better understand, but just because it’s you, we can tell you that we are very good friends with Garlic, Oil and Chilli, those three rascals, you know them, don’t you? Here, we think you call them garlic, oil and chili pepper, don’t you? They get along with us v-e-r-y w-e-l-l. Not to mention the sausage pizza, literally inconceivable, when we aren’t present ourselves. Have you now understood what kind of deliciousness you are dealing with? But no, please don’t define us as some kind of broccoli, or turnip greens or whatever else, as you’re offending us like that. Yes, well, maybe … maybe we are more or less far relatives, but we kindly ask you not to insist, as we are not anyone’s inflorescence: WE ARE FRIARIELLI, no way nonsense.”

The Vegetable that didn’t speak English

Naples, around noon, at the Pignasecca market. From a fruit and vegetable stand, a bunch of vegetables (yes you’ve read correctly, a bunch of vegetables), with its choir of powerful little voices, amidst the astonished faces of the onlookers, is having a very lively discussion with a tourist, probably of Anglo-Saxon origin. “It is useless dear sir, that you persist in asking us what the hell we are. It is not that we come to your home and ask you the same question. Look, everyone here knows us and we certainly don’t need any introduction. Okay, we don’t speak English, but we weren’t born knowing everything. You tell us instead:. Do you speak Neapolitan? And so, what should we do about that? Listen sir, as to make you better understand, but just because it’s you, we can tell you that we are very good friends with Garlic, Oil and Chilli, those three rascals, you know them, don’t you? Here, we think you call them garlic, oil and chili pepper, don’t you? They get along with us v-e-r-y w-e-l-l. Not to mention the sausage pizza, literally inconceivable, when we aren’t present ourselves. Have you now understood what kind of deliciousness you are dealing with? But no, please don’t define us as some kind of broccoli, or turnip greens or whatever else, as you’re offending us like that. Yes, well, maybe … maybe we are more or less far relatives, but we kindly ask you not to insist, as we are not anyone’s inflorescence: WE ARE FRIARIELLI, no way nonsense.”

Sitting Bull's Pizza

February 23rd, 1890. Mr. Esposito, an Italian entrepreneur from Barnum Circus was taking Mr. William Frederick Cody and the great Sioux chief Sitting Bull to dinner, after the successful audience engagement gained at the famous Wild West Show that very evening in Naples . “Mr. Cody, do you know that you call bisons buffaloes, but that only our buffaloes are the real ones? If you were from this area, you could keep Bufala Bill as your stage name and noboby would not bat an eye … ». “Sorry, I really don’t understand”, Cody said, while the Indian chief smiled to himself, grinning, but without saying a word. Finally, they arrived to a pizzeria owned by an acquaintance of the entrepreneur, nearby the old Vicaria where Sitting Bull and Bufalo Bill tasted the authentic Neapolitan pizza for the first time and drank a generous red vesuvian wine. Sitting Bull, in ecstasy after having another portion of the excellent specialty, stood up and to everyone’s amazement, right there, pronounced the famous phrase that everyone knows nowadays: “When they’ll have polluted the last river, killed the last bison, fished the last fish, only then they’ll realize that they can’t eat the money saved in their banks ».

Sitting Bull's Pizza

February 23rd, 1890. Mr. Esposito, an Italian entrepreneur from Barnum Circus was taking Mr. William Frederick Cody and the great Sioux chief Sitting Bull to dinner, after the successful audience engagement gained at the famous Wild West Show that very evening in Naples . “Mr. Cody, do you know that you call bisons buffaloes, but that only our buffaloes are the real ones? If you were from this area, you could keep Bufala Bill as your stage name and noboby would not bat an eye … ». “Sorry, I really don’t understand”, Cody said, while the Indian chief smiled to himself, grinning, but without saying a word. Finally, they arrived to a pizzeria owned by an acquaintance of the entrepreneur, nearby the old Vicaria where Sitting Bull and Bufalo Bill tasted the authentic Neapolitan pizza for the first time and drank a generous red vesuvian wine. Sitting Bull, in ecstasy after having another portion of the excellent specialty, stood up and to everyone’s amazement, right there, pronounced the famous phrase that everyone knows nowadays: “When they’ll have polluted the last river, killed the last bison, fished the last fish, only then they’ll realize that they can’t eat the money saved in their banks ».

Partenope’s great-granddaughter

It is very easy to meet her in summer at the “Napolinesia” bathing establishment in Marechiaro during the day, where she works. At dinner time, instead, you can easily find her with her friends at Fratelli la Bufala in Mergellina, where she often goes to spend the evening with her friends. About twenty-five years old, emerald green eyes, amber skin, vaguely oriental features and a charming and disarming smile, her name is Maria Ruocco, but for everyone she’s known as Tahiti. They say that during the night of San Lorenzo, when stars fall, she can’t resist to a midnight swim. They say, that every year and always at the same time, the sea has such an irresistibile song for her, that she never escapes from it. They say that listening to her respond to the sea on that rare occasion is a truly unrepeatable experience and that when she then dives, everything around her becomes imbued with magic, the Gulf of Naples looks like a dream and she seems to almost turn into the colour of the stars, as she swims like a mermaid with her silver tail. They say she is identical to an illustrious and very distant relative of hers. They say…

Partenope’s great-granddaughter

It is very easy to meet her in summer at the “Napolinesia” bathing establishment in Marechiaro during the day, where she works. At dinner time, instead, you can easily find her with her friends at Fratelli la Bufala in Mergellina, where she often goes to spend the evening with her friends. About twenty-five years old, emerald green eyes, amber skin, vaguely oriental features and a charming and disarming smile, her name is Maria Ruocco, but for everyone she’s known as Tahiti. They say that during the night of San Lorenzo, when stars fall, she can’t resist to a midnight swim. They say, that every year and always at the same time, the sea has such an irresistibile song for her, that she never escapes from it. They say that listening to her respond to the sea on that rare occasion is a truly unrepeatable experience and that when she then dives, everything around her becomes imbued with magic, the Gulf of Naples looks like a dream and she seems to almost turn into the colour of the stars, as she swims like a mermaid with her silver tail. They say she is identical to an illustrious and very distant relative of hers. They say…

The little female buffalo with a single horn

She was loved by the entire herd, although they didn’t find her particularly beautiful, perhaps because of that single red horn near her nostrils and not two horns, above her ears like all the others, or maybe for the much lighter colour and appearance of her skin, that looked more like a tank than a buffalo coat. Despite this, she was so nice and full of joie de vivre that she became the mascot of that male and female buffalo herd. “And who are you, what are you doing here?”, the farmer asked when he suddenly noticed her presence, with all the intent of removing her from the herd. He should have never said that, as the whole herd wrapped around the little female buffalo as one, as to protect her, making it clear to the farmer he should stop. So the little buffalo continued to live (and still lives) happy and contented in that breeding farm near Salerno, sure that she was the most beloved of the female buffaloes and without anyone being able to find out if she actually was a female unicorn escaped from fairyland or a very lively female rhinoceros escaped from a circus. When in doubt, whoever passes by there, affectionately calls her Rinuccia, and she smiles.

The little female buffalo with a single horn

She was loved by the entire herd, although they didn’t find her particularly beautiful, perhaps because of that single red horn near her nostrils and not two horns, above her ears like all the others, or maybe for the much lighter colour and appearance of her skin, that looked more like a tank than a buffalo coat. Despite this, she was so nice and full of joie de vivre that she became the mascot of that male and female buffalo herd. “And who are you, what are you doing here?”, the farmer asked when he suddenly noticed her presence, with all the intent of removing her from the herd. He should have never said that, as the whole herd wrapped around the little female buffalo as one, as to protect her, making it clear to the farmer he should stop. So the little buffalo continued to live (and still lives) happy and contented in that breeding farm near Salerno, sure that she was the most beloved of the female buffaloes and without anyone being able to find out if she actually was a female unicorn escaped from fairyland or a very lively female rhinoceros escaped from a circus. When in doubt, whoever passes by there, affectionately calls her Rinuccia, and she smiles.

Space Pizzas

Astral Date 2163 of the Earth Age. The fiftieth anniversary of Mars privatization is celebrated at the Pausilypon 3 orbiting station. The Nippo-Neapolitan commander Ciro Ishigawa challenges the Owen T 30 android in a competition to the last pizza. Doughs fly in absence of gravity, then each of them take their own and the competition begins. Ishigawa goes to his very special holographic wood-burning oven, while Owen has decided to cook (poor him) directly in an oven compartment inside himself. Which will be the best, most authentic and most fragrant pizza of all galaxies? We accept bets, but it’s really very difficult for Ciro to lose, also because he’s put his unbeatable secret ingredient on the pizza, an authentic buffalo mozzarella … from Alpha Centauri.

Space Pizzas

Astral Date 2163 of the Earth Age. The fiftieth anniversary of Mars privatization is celebrated at the Pausilypon 3 orbiting station. The Nippo-Neapolitan commander Ciro Ishigawa challenges the Owen T 30 android in a competition to the last pizza. Doughs fly in absence of gravity, then each of them take their own and the competition begins. Ishigawa goes to his very special holographic wood-burning oven, while Owen has decided to cook (poor him) directly in an oven compartment inside himself. Which will be the best, most authentic and most fragrant pizza of all galaxies? We accept bets, but it’s really very difficult for Ciro to lose, also because he’s put his unbeatable secret ingredient on the pizza, an authentic buffalo mozzarella … from Alpha Centauri.

The Buffalo in fact

After a long day spent along the alleys of Spaccanapoli, on the trail of diabolical Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes and faithful Watson, go to Gambrinus, where they have an appointment with Chief of Police Ricciardi.. “You see, my dear friend, you must help us, because there is one thing that we really can’t understand, which is perhaps the key to the enigma that will allow us to catch the perfidious M, and that only an authentic Neapolitan like you can know. Why is the same word used to define a thing that is eaten and another that – in a way – is received. Because the Bufala is both an exquisite and concrete mozzarella and an unbelievable and therefore evanescent statement”. “Are you asking me, my dear Holmes, if – in a way – there is a difference between a buffalo by definition and a Bufala in fact? Yes, there is gentlemen. Buffaloes by definition are those meats and mozzarellas of both undefined origin and production process, while the Bufala in fact, is only the one produced in the Campania Region with a protected designation of origin. I hope I’ve been helpful, because there’s nothing more to say on this topic. It’s the taste that speaks, the taste of the Buffalo”. A light suddenly twinkled in the Englishman’s eyes who, without too many pleasantries, lowered his famous cap, left Ricciardi and Watson to their aperitifs and immediately disappeared among the crowd walking briskly along Via Toledo … but that’s another story

The Buffalo in fact

After a long day spent along the alleys of Spaccanapoli, on the trail of diabolical Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes and faithful Watson, go to Gambrinus, where they have an appointment with Chief of Police Ricciardi.. “You see, my dear friend, you must help us, because there is one thing that we really can’t understand, which is perhaps the key to the enigma that will allow us to catch the perfidious M, and that only an authentic Neapolitan like you can know. Why is the same word used to define a thing that is eaten and another that – in a way – is received. Because the Bufala is both an exquisite and concrete mozzarella and an unbelievable and therefore evanescent statement”. “Are you asking me, my dear Holmes, if – in a way – there is a difference between a buffalo by definition and a Bufala in fact? Yes, there is gentlemen. Buffaloes by definition are those meats and mozzarellas of both undefined origin and production process, while the Bufala in fact, is only the one produced in the Campania Region with a protected designation of origin. I hope I’ve been helpful, because there’s nothing more to say on this topic. It’s the taste that speaks, the taste of the Buffalo”. A light suddenly twinkled in the Englishman’s eyes who, without too many pleasantries, lowered his famous cap, left Ricciardi and Watson to their aperitifs and immediately disappeared among the crowd walking briskly along Via Toledo … but that’s another story

The most delicious in the realm

Pizza Regina approached the magic mirror and asked: “Magic mirror in my hand, which is the most beautiful in the land?” “My Queen”, answered the talking mirror, “you are undoubtely the most beautiful, but not the best one. The best one is called Lazzarella, it’s made in Mergellina and it’s delicious and carefree like no other in the world. Look, my Queen, with how much voracity it’s tasted and with how much ardor it’s desired. Everyone loves it, everyone wants it, because it’s simple and unique. I’m so sorry, my dear Queen, but Lazzarella is more delicious than you. Pizza Regina, in a rage at that stage, started to tear off all the artichokes, while the pitted black olives fell off, one by one, like tears of desperation … which it later on dried off with a delicious slice of ham.

The most delicious in the realm

Pizza Regina approached the magic mirror and asked: “Magic mirror in my hand, which is the most beautiful in the land?” “My Queen”, answered the talking mirror, “you are undoubtely the most beautiful, but not the best one. The best one is called Lazzarella, it’s made in Mergellina and it’s delicious and carefree like no other in the world. Look, my Queen, with how much voracity it’s tasted and with how much ardor it’s desired. Everyone loves it, everyone wants it, because it’s simple and unique. I’m so sorry, my dear Queen, but Lazzarella is more delicious than you. Pizza Regina, in a rage at that stage, started to tear off all the artichokes, while the pitted black olives fell off, one by one, like tears of desperation … which it later on dried off with a delicious slice of ham.